My Personalities

THIS IS ME
It’s tough to put words for myself and utters my personality because I don’t even check my actions everyday. Save for, I’ll reflect to what mostly of my friends says and observes. And somehow, the things I believe and know that I really do possess.

I’ll take it into three pictures, privately and publicly, spiritually, and the pessimistic side of me. Well, it’s too modest if I will not state the off-putting peculiarities I have.

Awful-like to begin describing myself in the opposite side, nevertheless, it’s better because as I go on counting and expressing myself, the more it sounds sweet and pleasant. Starting off with the pessimistic face of me, I have this anxiety problem every time I face the crowd. For instance, in an interview, I’m incredibly preparing to manage myself. Yet, my hands were also starting to shake and get frozen-like. Another is that, I want to try some extreme sports and adventures, I know I want to do it and I can, except that, I feel like I’m stepping back that I may fail and a shame to others. Though, I strongly consider that there’s no harm in trying and it’s always about learning from our failures and repeat from trying until we get contented and succeed in our goals. Imaging that I don’t have a strong and fighting spirit, just still the same of saying I don’t have a one-hundred percent trust to myself. I’m afraid to make faults since I don’t like being blamed and miscalculated, that’s why if I have a task. I make sure that it could be rated not absolutely perfect but just close to it. I’m not trying to act like totally ideal and pretentious that I can and make out everything. It’s somewhat like; I only covet for a success and clean outcome of my effort. I attempt to explore myself from beyond what I can do and things that’s not really fit into me. Like, clandestinely thinking of “how ifs?” and “I wish I’m like this, I’m like that…” maybe, because I’m living in this world occupied with insecurities. Just similar to rejection and underestimation to myself, physically, I am not fully good looking and idyllic one to be easily admire by all and have additional point from job seeking (haha…Crazy me!). They say, what you see physically to a person is not important, what’s important is how big and pure is his/her heart. Definitely true, but in reality, they look you actually first. Unlike in Korea, just an insight from the curriculum of a newspaper authored by Joey Deleon, a famous actor, TV host and columnist here in the Philippines, He said that, in the country of Korea, when searching for a new celebrity, they critic on the talents and skills first of the aspirants. They don’t mind if they don’t consider to be categorized in the pretty and handsome groups. They prioritize the entertainment that those people can give to their fellowmen and develop them so that they will be well-known. Opposite here in our country, first looks first, that’s why, currently, the newbie’s actors and actresses, young or not don’t stay in the industry of artists for a long time, and are not even famous at all, because they have only the charm of their faces and not the endowments that they can show to the mass. Yet, insecurities aren’t really a big problem to me; those are some negative thoughts coming across in my mind whenever I get emotional and see pretty girls. How diminutive I am to myself. Furthermore, I am a little bit clumsy and panicky. I get into that manners, when on earth, I am nervous and I don’t have any idea on what will I do. Like, when a professor wants me to introduce somebody in front of every one, just right away, calling my name and instructing me what to do. I get panic, cause of my anxiety problem. And if I start that kind of feeling, I result into clumsy lone. I rattle my words, my heart beats faster, my hands gets shiver and sweat. Although, I have good news, I’m fighting it. And I’ll continue doing it until I get used to and build more confidence. Lastly, people thought that I’m good in all ways because of what kind of act I am able to show to them. But, I am not confident at all. They can see I’m doing well because it’s my way of overcoming from being unsure and unconstructive. I get weedy if sometimes, I see competent that are really immense. I always think that I can’t try what they can do and I can’t do what they can try. Simply means that, if I witness how totally confident and competitive they are, I’m thinking of backing up. However, I’m embarking on to overcome all of my pessimistic edges. I’m exercising the “should” and “must be” of those contraries. Because, I don’t want to have the same routine ceaselessly in my life, coming out and getting back in my shell, I want to do the reverse side above all of those differing personalities. I should come out from my shell, and get prepared of possible cautions and letdowns, through that I’ll be able to gain more trust to myself, confidence, and with strong fighting spirit.

Secondly, my spiritual side; I honestly say that I’m not a very much religious type of person. Akin to the way those who are truly devoted to Him, however, I fear God above all, I put Him always in all corners of me. I have a strong faith towards the Almighty. I love Him a lot, more than myself, ahead of my inspiration, next to my family. I truly believe that our lives are only borrowed. Thus, I offer myself to HIM in every ways. I am not reclaiming on what are He’s plans for me. I’ll accept it with open arms, mind, and clear heart. I can’t be here and will not be able to articulate right now about myself, and it’s all because of GOD. I value and worship Him with all my heart. I’ve learned from my burden experiences, and I’ve come into realization, that He is the Only One that was there to provide comfort and relief to me, and I trust Him that He will stay right beside me and my loved ones, forever and aye. This is me. This shows a priceless worth that He gave to me and what I thank a lot.

Lastly, the private and public things about me; what I exactly meant on public are those personalities that’s really in me, those that what the group can see at all times and those private are those that only I can see, perhaps. Those things I like, want and the other wall of it.

I used to be a comedian person in the classroom. Even at this instant, still, I have become to be serious specially when dealing with formal matters. I put my actions in the proper place. I’ve become matured enough to know what’s the difference between right and wrong. Besides, I am a smiley and happy person. I forget my problems the moment I start to get hyper and energetic. I do some crazy stuff that helps to comfort myself. Sounds irritable and exaggerated part to others when I dance actively even just inside the classroom, act some dramatic roles that I craft keen on to a funny story, sing loudly though I don’t have a golden voice, and my fanatical laughs that’s like a virus, everyone is affected. That’s when I was still in my grade and high school days. (haha) I really love dancing, reading comic books, and drawing cartoons. However, I am not really good into it and don’t have any resources, for the reason that I didn’t give time to improve my talents and skills and find ways to gain it. Echoes like, I need a support yet there was and there is none of it. Likewise, I am caring, loving, responsible, and versatile person. I’m concern of my family, friends, and love one. I get hurt if they are in pain. Then, I suppose I have a responsible personality. It’s hard to explain either how or why but most of my friends do have a compliment that really am. And, I am versatile because, I can do any tasks. Just like an actress, when a director gives him different scripts of different roles, he/she is ready to seize it. It’s about testing your ability on what you can do. That’s me. If you want me to dance all day and all night, I’ll do it. What my superior says, I do it with right decision and plan. My leisure time also is imagining myself in some situations that I want to happen in the near future or maybe just for the next day. It’s like I’m making an imaginary virtual film of it. Along with, I have also this side that when I get angry I really show it up, being frank one, I really have to express what I feel. Just like a lion, I growl until I stop and I’m satisfied to what will I say. My strong personality comes out when I get suffocated from being stepped down. I don’t care with what others will say, as long as I’m doing the right thing that will make me calm and not bothered at once. Again, that was when I was in my early days. Except now, I’ve already learned to control my temper. When I get irritated and hurt, I just keep quiet and silent until the displeasure feeling is gone. It is much better to hear that rather than growling, in actuality, that’s the upshot of educating me to be sensitive and matured in some issues.

Furthermore, I am fond of telling my stories and sharing it to others. I have learned to be an open person. Because, at least, if something bad happens to me, someone knows and have an idea on it. In addition to, I am a broad minded person. I hate those narrow-minded ones. For instance, my friend was late in our meeting, I got bored of waiting, but I’m thinking of the possible reasons why she was late. I don’t get mad easily, because, in this huge world, there is not only one solution to any dilemmas. There are countless explanations to think of. And, I am a listener to those who needs someone to count on with their problems. I listen seriously and give advices to them. I can say that I am a good friend. Perhaps, others may not see me as a good person but inside me I know I am and to those whom I always counting on. I am cool. I bond on what is the fashion at present. I learned to chill and have fun all the time to avoid stress, though at night I kept thinking of my problems (I just get stress all night and I can’t sleep right…hehe).

Emotionally, I’m the kind of person who really needs an appreciation and acceptance. I feel like I don’t have it. Even just a simple admiration of my simple actions are admired and valued, that’s worth it to make me feel contented and joyful. For almost years I’ve been starving for it. I haven’t achieved it yet; even just a simple touch of it, especially coming from those whom I expect could show it to me. I sense that I am less love by my family because I can’t really feel it since then. Plus, I want being heard, thus they will know what I really feel towards a dilemma.
Those are my personalities. Maybe those are just the few of my qualities but those are the traits mostly seen and I owns.

For real, I am unique and I love myself. This is Me.!